Yo dont text me then not text me
her vagine was all disorganized.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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