Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
