it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
