kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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