4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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