Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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