My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Randomize
