she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
