we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
