I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
