watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
