I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
