So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize