she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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