evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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