She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
