My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
