Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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