My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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