The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
