I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
