I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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