I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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