I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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