I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
