ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
