he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
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