I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
