Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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