I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
