dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize