I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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