Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
