Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
