you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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