so that wasnt chicken after all
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
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