You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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