You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
