i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
