You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
