someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
