Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
