Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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