if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize