I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
