In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
