you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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