there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
