So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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