; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize