he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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