This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
