I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We have so much sex to catch up on
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
