I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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