In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
