Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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