I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
