Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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