It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
