he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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