I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize