My sheets look like a crime scene.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
