I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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