dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I think I died a long time ago.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
