i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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