I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
