I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
