i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
